I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
