I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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