If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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