Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
