Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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