Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
