"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
