It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
