My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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