: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
