I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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