Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
