just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize