I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
