My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
