The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
