I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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