i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
