I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
