she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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