The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
