They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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