if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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