Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
