so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
