I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
