I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Damn victory sex feels great
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I did not marry a roomba.
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