There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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