if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you didnt know i had herpes?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
