I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we're making bets on your personal life
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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