I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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