people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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