HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
