i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
