I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
