Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
