Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
