She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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