i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
