Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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