JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
