That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
