so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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