??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
