we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
