Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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