I'm so fucking centered right now
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
