I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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