she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
