Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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