i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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