i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
