U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
