he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
