Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
