True but thats because hes a fetus.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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